as posted, my job consists of pushing people around from the ER to wherever unit they need to go and yes, I know I need another job or to study something to leave the healthcare system altogether, but in the meantime I have to stick with what I’ve got.

Today was a specially bad day and after working 6 hours non stop I wanted to take my 30 minute break. The charge didn’t want me to take it, arguing I’ve already taken several breaks to eat and drink and have a seat (true), he didn’t take a break or eat anything (seems to be true), that those breaks altogether count as my pause, if everyone did what I planed to do, the ER would sink (most definitely true but not my problem).

As posted, I used to work in this ER bedside and worked like that without questioning it. I don’t work like that anymore.

There is a kitchen in the ER where I leave my food, take a plate and prepare something to bite so when I’m done with a patient I can drink or eat while I wait for my next assignment. Sometimes the charge doesn’t have any assignment, so I have a seat and wait. And eat, and drink, and read something on my phone.

I believe this is what’s happening: To the ER nurses this looks like I’m on my break whereas I’m waiting for my next assignment. To me, if I cannot leave the ER, lie on the ground or take a nap, I’m not on my break.

The kitchen is full of water bottles and hospital food, sometimes not very good but warm. Theoretically this is for the patients but in practice doctors and nurses stuff themselves with it, and if they do, so do I. In this hospital there is also a cafeteria that makes tons of food they don’t get to sell and instead of throwing it away, they take it to the ER for doctors and nurses to eat. I eat it as well.

I’m not sure if I’m the asshole because over the last 2 days I didn’t even have to cook back home and I could even take food from that cafeteria home, but it seems the expectation in the ER is: you may eat that food that’s going to be discarded anyway only if you work like us, meaning not taking a 30 minute break, but several mini breaks that might sum up 30 minutes.

Being the only one that acts differently is very visible, even though if on paper I’m doing everything correctly. The expectation is that I’m not going to have a 30 minute break and I should be happy with it.

I don’t know what’s better: not eating any patient and cafeteria food, only eating during my break my own food so I enjoy a 30 minute break or becoming one of them for free food. It’s more the time I’d need to buy and cook that food than what it costs, but saving money is also something I like. The manager knows this happens and tolerates it because he doesn’t care about discarded food and if he did, there is a severe shortage of nursing staff where I live, no wonder why.

I also do things beyond my job description, but this is my fault: I shouldn’t look for patient files, search for patients (because my job is to transport them, not to find them), move empty beds to be cleaned, calm patients, bring them blankets, take them to the toilet… I do this because sometimes it gets so boring because the charge doesn’t give me any assignment, so I’m open to lend a hand, but then the charge gets a call and I get 5 assignments at the same time (and they don’t lend a hand). I don’t want this to become the new expectation.

Boundaries are harder than it looks.